Top Fantasies to Try with Your Partner: How to Explore Safely & Satisfyingly
Curious about how to bring a little extra excitement (and intimacy) into your relationship? You’re not alone. From playful games to power exchanges, exploring fantasies together can strengthen trust, deepen connection, and bring a new level of fun to partnership—especially if you’re decades in and life is busy.
We’re breaking down the top five fantasies couples are chatting about and experimenting with lately, plus how to make sure you keep things safe, consensual, and super satisfying.
Why Exploring Fantasies is Good for Your Relationship
Every couple—married, long-term, parents or not—hits plateaus or gets curious about what could be. Fantasies aren’t just about spice: they offer ways to reconnect, be vulnerable, and understand one another at a deeper level.
Crucially, it’s not just the act of trying something new that boosts intimacy; it’s the conversations, the checking in, and the trust you’re building together.
Ground Rules: Consent, Communication, & Comfort
Before you chase the heat, you need a foundation. Having clear, honest conversations about what you each want to try, what feels good, and what your “definitely not” boundaries are is sexy, respectful, and essential.
- Consent is ongoing: A “yes” before or at the start never means yes forever. Check in often.
- Safe words and signals: Choose words or gestures that instantly pause or stop things if anyone feels unsure.
- Non-judgment zone: Curiosity, not criticism! Hold space for each other’s fantasies—even if they seem surprising. Remember, sharing takes courage.
For more on opening up these conversations, peek at our post: How to Talk to Your Partner About Sex (Without the Shame).
1. Play Dress Up: Roleplay with Costumes or Personas 👗🎭
Why it’s hot:
It’s fun, a little mischievous, and lets you explore hidden sides of yourself or each other. Stepping into a character can take the pressure off “doing it right” and create genuine playfulness.
How to try it:
- Pick a scene that excites you both—classic fun (nurse, stranger, boss/employee) or something entirely made up!
- Go for full-on costumes, just a prop, or even a playful accent.
- Stay in character for as long (or as little) as feels good.
- Always have a safe word, especially if you’re roleplaying unfamiliar power dynamics or scenarios.
Pro-tip:
Roleplay is often easier to start after a little scripting—text with your character name, leave notes, or start in a “neutral” scene (like meeting at a bar, in your own home).
2. Power Play: Dominance & Submission 🖤🛠
Why it’s hot:
Switching up the power dynamic ramps up anticipation and trust. For many, the thrill isn’t just in the act—it’s in the mental handover, the experience of giving or taking control safely.
How to try it:
- Decide ahead of time who’ll take the dominant or submissive role, or swap back and forth.
- Use very clear consent signals—verbal (“green, yellow, red”) or nonverbal (holding up a hand, tapping out).
- Start simple, like gentle requests and fulfilled commands.
- Afterwards, have “aftercare” time: cuddling, talking, and making sure both partners feel safe and valued.
Safety Tip:
All power play is about both people’s enjoyment. Clear communication makes the difference between thrilling and uncomfortable.
3. Free Use: The Spontaneous Consent Fantasy 💭🔒
Why it’s hot:
It taps into the excitement of surprise, flips desire into play, and weaves new power dynamics into your daily lives.
How to try it:
- Negotiate upfront: When, where, and what is actually okay? Lunchtime kitchen? Only weekends?
- Use a signal—a special bracelet, necklace, or even a phrase—to indicate when the “free use” time is on or off.
- Consent is always reversible. Checking in is a must, even when spontaneity is the fantasy!
Word to the wise:
Things can get hot quickly, so ongoing consent and debriefing after a “free use” encounter is key to keeping things healthy and exciting.
4. Queening: Face Sitting Fantasy 👑🪑
Why it’s hot:
It blends wild dominance with the intimacy of oral pleasure—and for vulva-owners, it can feel seriously empowering to literally take the throne.
How to try it:
- Set up a sturdy surface and use supportive pillows for comfort and safety.
- Agree on a “tap out” method (a physical signal if breathing or comfort become an issue).
- Eye contact, praise, and communication throughout turn this from just physically intense to emotionally electric.
Bonus:
This one’s all about giving and receiving—switch roles, chat about what feels best, and build anticipation together.
5. Voyeur: Watch & Be Watched 🎥👀
Why it’s hot:
The mere idea of seeing or being seen ramps up tension and arousal. Even when it’s just you two, “performance” changes the dynamic and lets you truly see each other anew.
How to try it:
- Start small—use a mirror, film a private video (for your eyes only!), or simply “perform” a striptease or solo show.
- Lay out clear boundaries: what’s exciting? What’s too far? What never leaves the room?
- If you’re considering another person, triple-check consent and have pre/post-scene debriefs.
Remember:
You can always delete a video, put away the mirror, or call it a night if it doesn’t feel right.
Making Exploration Joyful (and Safe)
Fantasies are fun, but safety and connection are the real magic.
- Share what you like about each fantasy—not just what you want to try.
- Be open to creative problem solving! Maybe you’re not into everything, but can you try a lighter version or riff on the idea together?
- Check in often. After you try something new, talk about what was amazing, what felt “meh,” and what you’d tweak next time.
Not sure where to start? Try creating a list of “yes/maybe/no” fantasies for each of you, then swap and circle your shared “yeses.” You might be surprised!
Common Questions About Exploring Fantasies
What if my partner’s fantasy surprises or worries me?
Take a breath. Curiosity, not accusation, is your best friend here. You can say, “I don’t know how I feel about that yet, but I appreciate you sharing.” Ask questions, discuss boundaries, and remember—fantasizing doesn’t mean acting.
How do we avoid awkwardness?
Start slowly, laugh a little, and treat it like learning something new together. Awkward (even cringey!) moments are normal, and a little humor dissolves shame.
What if we want more guidance?
That’s what we’re here for! Coaching, workshops, books, and even well-moderated online communities can give you scripts, ideas, and permission slips for your journey. Check out our coaching options or set up a session at Sweet Ember.
Takeaway: Your Fantasy Is a Bridge, Not a Barrier
Exploring fantasies as a couple isn’t about ticking off a “kink list” or living up to someone else’s adventures. It’s about curiosity, play, and building a deeper, more honest connection. Whether your thing is creative roleplay, switching up power, spontaneous encounters, or a little exhibitionist thrill, the important thing is doing it together—and looking out for each other, always.
If you’re ready to dive in, start a conversation with your partner tonight. Curious what other couples are trying? Want to brainstorm in a totally safe, judgment-free space? Reach out to us or explore more resources at Sweet Ember.
P.S. Save this post for inspiration, and remember: Your fantasy doesn’t have to stay in your head. It might just be the key to even more connection (and hotter nights).