How to Do Kegels the Right Way: Techniques to Boost Libido and Pelvic Floor Health
If you’re reading this, you’ve probably heard that Kegels can help with everything from low libido to bladder control. But here’s the thing: Most of us are doing them wrong—or not getting their full, juicy benefits. Whether you just had a baby, have been with your partner for what feels like forever, or simply want a sparkier connection with your body, good news—your core isn’t broken, it’s just ready for better attention. Welcome to your modern, myth-busting pelvic floor guide.
Why Kegels Matter for Libido, Pleasure, and Health
Let’s set the record straight: Sexy isn’t a look—it’s confidence and connection, with yourself and your body. And your pelvic floor? She’s the unsung hero. Strong, responsive pelvic floor muscles mean:
- More blood flow (hello, natural arousal!)
- Easier, stronger orgasms
- Sensation you actually notice during sex
- Better bladder and bowel control
- Faster recovery after childbirth
Low libido, leaks, or a “meh” feeling about sex? These are often signs your pelvic floor is asking for attention, not signals of brokenness or failure.
The Truth Bomb: You’re Probably Doing Kegels Wrong
Kegels aren’t just about clenching like you’re holding in pee at a rest stop. In fact, clenching and waiting for miracles can lead to tension, discomfort, or even more disconnect.
Let’s fix that—one empowered squeeze at a time.
Finding Your Pelvic Floor: The Straw Trick
Before you start your Kegel workout, you need to know what you’re actually working. Most of us have never been taught what “pelvic floor” really means (unless you’ve had a baby, and even then it’s not always clear!).
Try this now:
- Grab a straw (yep, a drinking straw).
- Gently suck air through it—feel that subtle lift, deep in your lower belly and pelvic bowl?
- That right-there, almost invisible “whoosh”? That’s your pelvic floor engaging.
- Now, blow gently out through the straw—that’s the relaxing and letting-go part, just as important for real strength and healthy libido.
This up-and-down toggle (lift, release, lift, relax) is the heart of every pelvic floor practice that actually works.
Let’s Talk About Technique: Kegels That Actually Work
1. Feel, Don’t Force
You’re not trying to crack a walnut. Go for a gentle, deep lift rather than a hard, high squeeze.
Try this:
Imagine your pelvic muscles are an elevator. Take them up one floor (not to the penthouse), then all the way back down. The release feels just as delicious as the squeeze.
2. Breathe or Bust
If you’re holding your breath or clenching your thighs/butt/abs, you’re missing the magic.
Inhale as you relax, exhale as you gently lift.
3. Position Is Power
Kegels don’t only work while you’re sitting still. In fact, some positions make it way easier (and way less boring):
- Lying on your back: Easiest for beginners and during postpartum recovery.
- Hands and knees (tabletop): Great for core awareness and changing things up.
- Standing or walking: Next-level, functional strength (and a power move before a date).
- Sitting, not slouching: Make sure your spine is tall, not collapsed.
Try each one for a week and notice where you feel strongest and most connected.
Advanced Moves: Make It Spicy
1. Add Sensation
After you’re confident with basic up-down lifts, consider tools that give your brain extra feedback:
- Weighted Kegel balls or eggs: A gentle challenge for your muscles.
- A good vibe: Use during solo play or with a partner for new levels of connection.
- Experiment during sex: Try a “mini Kegel” as your partner enters or during oral—bonus sensation for both of you.
2. Try Pressure Play
Being gently restrained (think: lying under a weighted blanket, or your partner holding your wrists) can work wonders if you’re prone to overstimulation. It grounds your nervous system and helps you focus on subtle internal feels.
For Overwhelmed Nervous Systems: Overstimulation vs. Understimulation
Pelvic floor health isn’t just about muscle; it’s about your nervous system.
- Overstimulation: If sex feels “too much” or your mind shuts down mid-way, start super slow. Just sit together, breathe, and bring attention to your pelvic area—no pressure, no performance.
- Understimulation: If your mind wanders or you’re checked out, add sensation: warming gels, gentle vibration, or changing position. Sometimes novelty is the best aphrodisiac for your brain (and yes, that’s science).
Remember, pleasure is about tuning in, not only turning on.
Your Simple Daily Kegel Routine
Real talk—consistency trumps intensity, every time. Here’s your easy Sweet Ember routine:
- 3 sets of 10 lifts and releases per day.
- Hold each lift for up to 10 seconds, then relax for 10 seconds. (Start with 3 seconds if that’s your capacity—progress is sexy.)
- Do a set lying down, one sitting, one standing or walking.
- Focus on breath, quality, and variety over mindless reps.
- Rest and repeat tomorrow. Your nervous system and libido love a reliable routine.
Hot tip: Pair Kegels with something you already do daily—like brushing your teeth or waiting for your coffee to brew.
Myth-Busting: It’s Not About Doing More
More is not always better. Overdoing Kegels can lead to tension, discomfort, or even pain—especially if your muscles can’t fully relax. If sex becomes painful, pee leaks get worse, or you feel heavy/pulled in your pelvis, pause and check with a pelvic floor specialist.
Stronger Floor = Stronger Finish
A connected, confident core makes pleasure possible… and deeply satisfying. The more in tune you are with these powerful muscles, the easier it is to enjoy intimacy, or ask for what you need.
Struggling with low libido? You’re not broken—you’re just being invited back to your own power:
- Reconnect to sensation, even if it’s subtle.
- Share your journey with your partner—practice together!
- Explore new tools or techniques that make you curious, not just compliant.
Want product recommendations or a custom how-to guide? Drop “KEGELS” in the comments or reach out to us anytime. We’ve got you, from first squeeze to final, fabulous finish.
Explore More: Sweet Ember Tools & Resources
Ready to feel stronger, sexier, and more you?
Check out our intimacy and wellness tools, blog for low libido support, and products designed for real women’s bodies.
For more guides on pelvic health, techniques, and true connection, browse our full blog library.
Your body isn’t broken—it’s wise, wild, and always ready for a little more love. Welcome yourself back home, one breath (and one good Kegel) at a time.